Cultural Autobiography

Cultural Autobiography

            As I reflect on what I want to include in my “Cultural Autobiography,” I begin to think about my Eulogy.  What would the minister say about me after I have moved on to those bright mansions in the sky? What would I want to be remembered by?  What impact did I make on society or in my field?  What legacy would I leave behind for my children besides money or property?  These are some of the questions that I have asked myself as I extend deeper into an understanding of life or this temporary existence.  This autobiography wouldn’t seem honest without beginning with where I come from and how my perceptions of society have made it’s way from inside “the box” to outside of “the box.”

            I grew up in Greensboro, NC. My mother was a single parent of twin girls from the time of conception until we turned 18.  What I mean by that is, my mother and father were never married.  Like any young “wanna be” in love couple, they came together and created life.  Now after we were born, well that is a different story.  As any single parent, my mom worked two jobs, my dad was being irresponsible and had gotten himself locked away in a cage for 20 + years.  That meant no child support, minimal help from the state and dependence on family.  While my mom and my grandmother were “bumping heads,” my sister and I begin to conceptualize this idea of what family was?  At the time, there was much confusion about where my sister and I fit into this family full of co-dependant, underwhelmed, uneducated (formally), hardworking group of individuals we called, auntie, uncle, cousin and grandpa.  From elementary school, I knew that God’s purpose for my sister and I, were bigger than just working in a factory or in a school cafeteria or even for the post office.  Which was considered a “good job.”  So how did I end up working on my doctorate degree with a young child?  Well, I would say through some late night epiphanies, long conversations, poor planning, and yeah some immature mistakes.  But like my pastor’s say, “I’m still here”.  Hearing about my origin of existence, many people may stereotype me or place me into this statistical data that according to the “research” is accurate among all African-American women who come from “fatherless homes.”  Quite the contrary, in fact I have demonstrated and proved to some that no matter the upbringing, anybody can become successful.  I was taught to work hard, don’t judge folks, be kind to others (golden rule), save your money and believe in God.  I know the value of hard work, but didn’t feel as if I needed to work hard all of my life.  I got the not judging concept, but it was hard not to judge those who killed others randomly, or the guy that was on drugs who always asked me for a dollar.  I didn’t really grasp the save your money concept until I had gotten older, because I didn’t have many things growing up, so when I started working I started spending.  The more I worked, the more I spent. The last thing that I was taught, which is the most important, was to believe in God.  I didn’t fully understand, why I should believe in something that I couldn’t see. In school I took theology and religious courses and figured that who am I to say that my God is better than yours.  My mother never took us to church.  My grandmother went to church, but she never made us attend service when we started living with her because my mother said that we didn’t have too.  So as a child, when you are not use to waking up on Sunday morning, it was pretty much impossible to convince me, why I should sit in somebody’s church.  Being very smart, I questioned even the most “holy saints” about God, that for some reason, they would never answer.

            These types of informal learning shaped and formed my philosophy of life both as a parent, a friend, a citizen, a student, and as an educator. I begin to see the value in education. I remember when I could read and pronounce words in elementary better than my aunts, uncles and grandparents.  I thought, “Wow I am smart!”  The more I excelled in the classroom the more my friends and some family would get jealous.  So, I began to just get average grades. I started focusing more on being liked and popular than being smart and influential.  I was becoming a product of my surroundings. I would say that I had a quasi support system.  I realize now that support is huge when trying to figure out one’s place in society. When a person is constantly trying to prove themselves as an individual in their family, and then have to turnaround and deal with society’s misconceptions and misrepresentation of who they are as a person and not judging them by their skin color and social class, can be a bit draining.

             Now the question is, how can I help the world change their views of minorities and women?  The obvious answer to this question is education.  Not only would I have to continue to educate myself, but also I have to continue to minister and educate others that would lead to social change and justice. Tavis Smiley says that “Love is defined as everybody is worthy because.”(2/4/2011, UNC-Charlotte) That means that everybody, all persons are deserving of the same rights as everyone else. I begin by examining myself and looking at my own biases and prejudices. I had to recognize my personal feelings and sensitivities about certain subjects and examine those feelings while learning to accept and move on from it.  I had to educate myself or reeducate myself.

             Education to me is what water is to cactus, or who Moses was to the people of Egypt.  I need education to survive through this desert of life and without it I would be confined and shackled to dry existence of a continuous cycle of oppression. I want people to remember my love for God and that I was an advocate for change. I want people to look at my life and see how I overcame obstacles and crossed boundaries and endured setbacks to excel as the best person that I could be.