I take the blame

If blood stops flowing to my heart from all of this heartache,
don't blame yourself,
blame me,
Blame me for agreeing to this
when any other time I am indecisive
blame me for not walking away,
and not given it a second thought
blame me for allowing this to manifest
into something bigger than the both of us
blame me for taking you seriously
when love to me was a joke,
blame me for allowing you to make a woman out of me,
when my maturity didn't step up to the plate
blame me for contractually cooperating
when I don't sign anything without reading it first
blame me for looking in into your eyes
and seeing a part of you that was reserved
blame me for for taking you to level of jaded reality
when we both know we don't live in the matrix
blame me for allowing you to love someone else
when your love is monotheistic
blame me for falling in love
when the result is me pointing the finger at myself.....
So don't blame yourself......
I take the blame.....

-Niesha

What would happen if?

Your ringtone throws me off…

Off into a world of what would happen if

What if God’s plan was for two souls to meet

And create a Barack & Michelle moment,

But wait a moment, Coretta has her King

But all I have is a dream,

Singing….Day dreamin and I’m thinking of you, Day dreamin and I'm thinking of you..

Thinking of what would happen if,

What if you were Jacob and I Rachael,

and we recreated one the greatest love stories in the bible,

but like Rachael, I would die after giving birth to this forbidden obsession, that has me bound and directionless

But I love you.....and you love me too so.... LOVE CONQUERS ALL, RIGHT

But our love is not on a battlefield boo....
We're not fighting for it to be recognizable, just for it to be understood

 You have given me something that can't ever be taken away, and that is a glimpse of how my future should be with a man in it and God's plan for it, 

My mama always told me that "you can't help who you fall in love with"..

But what if I'd helped myself to someone else's love...

They say that love hurts, but damn I didn't think that pain was a symptom,

Like a cancer in remission, it keeps coming back, slowly eating away at a part of my heart that was reserved just for you ....

....there is no amount of oxycodone that can make this pain tolerable...

My affliction comes from me not knowing if I or you will one day have this epiphany and 

say it's over, we both knew what it was.....

We agreed that this is not real,  just a figment of our imagination.. or better yet a TV reality show, starring us and an Atlanta Housewife....

Like Donald's Trump birther movement,

Our love just may be that immature, or prematurely irrelevant,

Though I would be remised if I still didn't wonder what would happen if,

What if W.E.B Dubois’ Talented Tenth had twelve

And we would be the plus two minus the third wheel,

But for real, I am addicted baby

Like an addict I’m feenin for my fix, that removes my guilt

Of allowing exposure to the other me....

What if the vision took a U-turn away from the purpose and..

The multiplication of our circumstance divided the people..

The Declaration of Independence says “We the People”..

But by declaring what is there, have we amended our right to love

To speak what shouldn’t be spoken, like "I Love you" or

To hear what shouldn’t be heard, like your heartbeat, or

To see what shouldn’t be seen, like your apologetic eyes, or

To feel what shouldn't be felt, like heartache, yet still I am wondering

What would happen if....

We woke up from this pleasant nightmare,

And all we had, are those what if’s....