Atlantic of separation

Crying seems like a waste of emotion,

that could be reserved for the time that we meet again,

Technology has allowed for continued communication,

but complicates our situation,

Your purposeful absence makes it seem worth it,

but I feel selfish at times because you should be

here sweeping me off my feet

and using the carpet as transportation

to a whole new world...

I can't deny that I don't feel a certain way

when you hang up the phone,

abandoned once again until I hear your ringtone..

Just hearing I love you, 

has a bigger impact then a tsunami hitting the coast

The ocean might separate our minds, 

but our hearts will be forever intertwined.

Separated but forever together..

Known since birth with given names
Played around sandboxes and merry go rounds
Played the same games with lames
Only to finding love to blame
Passing each other by without a glance
Never considering giving us a chance
All it took was an agreed moment
Determing that what we were looking for
Wasn't lost or hidden
But camouflaged by time and broken hearts...
We found patience and the perfect mate
In the perfect storm by the perfect escape
Destined by two best friends with similar plights
Followed different paths for their offspring
To end up at the final destination

My Life is Purposefully Driven

My life is Purposefully driven
My drive is Progressively accelerating
My acceleration has Provided influence
My influence has emPowered the people
My people have Prayed for peace
My peace has Permitted my ability
My ability has allowed me to Proceed
My Procession has Patiently Promised to Prepare me for
MY LIFE'S PURPOSE!

I take the blame

If blood stops flowing to my heart from all of this heartache,
don't blame yourself,
blame me,
Blame me for agreeing to this
when any other time I am indecisive
blame me for not walking away,
and not given it a second thought
blame me for allowing this to manifest
into something bigger than the both of us
blame me for taking you seriously
when love to me was a joke,
blame me for allowing you to make a woman out of me,
when my maturity didn't step up to the plate
blame me for contractually cooperating
when I don't sign anything without reading it first
blame me for looking in into your eyes
and seeing a part of you that was reserved
blame me for for taking you to level of jaded reality
when we both know we don't live in the matrix
blame me for allowing you to love someone else
when your love is monotheistic
blame me for falling in love
when the result is me pointing the finger at myself.....
So don't blame yourself......
I take the blame.....

-Niesha

What would happen if?

Your ringtone throws me off…

Off into a world of what would happen if

What if God’s plan was for two souls to meet

And create a Barack & Michelle moment,

But wait a moment, Coretta has her King

But all I have is a dream,

Singing….Day dreamin and I’m thinking of you, Day dreamin and I'm thinking of you..

Thinking of what would happen if,

What if you were Jacob and I Rachael,

and we recreated one the greatest love stories in the bible,

but like Rachael, I would die after giving birth to this forbidden obsession, that has me bound and directionless

But I love you.....and you love me too so.... LOVE CONQUERS ALL, RIGHT

But our love is not on a battlefield boo....
We're not fighting for it to be recognizable, just for it to be understood

 You have given me something that can't ever be taken away, and that is a glimpse of how my future should be with a man in it and God's plan for it, 

My mama always told me that "you can't help who you fall in love with"..

But what if I'd helped myself to someone else's love...

They say that love hurts, but damn I didn't think that pain was a symptom,

Like a cancer in remission, it keeps coming back, slowly eating away at a part of my heart that was reserved just for you ....

....there is no amount of oxycodone that can make this pain tolerable...

My affliction comes from me not knowing if I or you will one day have this epiphany and 

say it's over, we both knew what it was.....

We agreed that this is not real,  just a figment of our imagination.. or better yet a TV reality show, starring us and an Atlanta Housewife....

Like Donald's Trump birther movement,

Our love just may be that immature, or prematurely irrelevant,

Though I would be remised if I still didn't wonder what would happen if,

What if W.E.B Dubois’ Talented Tenth had twelve

And we would be the plus two minus the third wheel,

But for real, I am addicted baby

Like an addict I’m feenin for my fix, that removes my guilt

Of allowing exposure to the other me....

What if the vision took a U-turn away from the purpose and..

The multiplication of our circumstance divided the people..

The Declaration of Independence says “We the People”..

But by declaring what is there, have we amended our right to love

To speak what shouldn’t be spoken, like "I Love you" or

To hear what shouldn’t be heard, like your heartbeat, or

To see what shouldn’t be seen, like your apologetic eyes, or

To feel what shouldn't be felt, like heartache, yet still I am wondering

What would happen if....

We woke up from this pleasant nightmare,

And all we had, are those what if’s....

A letter of appreciation

Thank you for your encouragement when I didn't feel like being encouraged

Thank you for your honesty when truthfulness seemed distant

Thank you for your humor when I didn't feel like laughing

Thank you for your wisdom, when I felt like I knew it all

Thank you for your conversation, when my text didn't get my tone

Thank you for your patience, when my urgency was a factor

Thank you for your insight, when my sight was limited

Thank you for your touch, when I lacked the feeling

Thank you for your ignorance on subjects that were unfamiliar

Thank you for your time, when you had none

Thank you for your kiss, when I forgot how bliss felt

Thank you for your knowledge, when I needed a reference

Thank you for your eyes, when I needed to recognize success

Thank you for your humility when degrees can jade reality

Thank you for your love when, my heart only functioned for the sole purpose of keeping me alive

Thank you for allowing me to show you appreciation

Fourth World

Our video conference on Feb 28th with Professor Dotson was both enlightening and eye opening. In my travels I haven't been to the midwest as much.  I have mostly ventured in the south, southwest, north, northwest and west. With the recent migration of midwesterners to the south, I had some indication that the economic situation was bad, but had no idea to what effect until Professor Dotson presentation.

Professor Dotson's idea of "Fourth World" seemed a bit mis-useful at first until the pictures began. I think that Professor Dotson did a good job in going over the history of automobile industry. He indicated that many blacks moved from the south to the midwest in search of better jobs and opportunities. However the move was not without it's consequences. Many of the blacks were still subject to racism and discrimination within housing and schools.

Professor Dotson also showed us some clips from Gary, Indiana, (Michael Jacksons birthplace). Gary, Indiana was the thriving in the 50's and up until the 90's. The clip that he showed us was a bit disturbing. There were vacant buildings such as schools, libraries, churches, houses and recreational centers. The city was a complete ghost town, or as Dotson calls it a "Fourth World". Many residents have moved away leaving behind furniture, toys and clothes. The housing market has definitely been hit hard here.  Dotson informed us that there were some contractors who have acquired some of the deserted land and were planning on rebuilding communities, but at prices that would be unaffordable to most families. How does this connect to our readings?  We have been reading and discussing articles on the injustice treatment of blacks. From the strategically placed neighborhoods, to the unequal distribution of resources/money being funneled between black and white schools, which still exist today.

Professor Dotson shared some of his own personal experiences about his grandfather who lived in south. It was an introduction to his life's work with architecture and social justice. He showed us pictures and shared stories about the NAACP organization within his country town.

The presentation and readings were eye opening but not surprising. If we as social justice advocates are to combat these injustices, it is imperative that we don't just focus on one specific area, but look at the whole picture.


Niesha

Is it Black vs White? or Working class vs The Capitalist Class

This is an article from the Bloomberg report. It just reconfirms the oppressor's antics against the oppressed.  I am not so much talking about minorities, but I am referring to those descendants of the white indentured servants who came to America either enslaved or a slave to a debt owed.  While we are up in arms about abortion and "other peoples" wars.  "The Capital class" as Marxs calls it is continuing to profit off of the working and middle class.  How is it that the middle class and the working class pays the most of the taxes, while the 400 of the wealthiest individuals don't pay hardly anything. These people can afford to pay taxes. Did they ever think that if the wealthy paid a percentage of their income to the government as us "working class people" wouldn't that cut into the budget deficit?

Also it is mighty funny that Republicans want to get rid of programs like Planned Parenthood and Medicaid, but they don't want anybody getting rid of an unwanted pregnancy, yet they don't want to help provide help financially either. So, if you keep your child and you can't afford to take care of your child, then oh well. They don't want to increase minimum wage, but they want to increase taxes and consumer spending.


Our problems have gone beyond black and white, it has entered into rich and poor.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/08/how-rich-pay-no-taxes_n_846518.html?ref=nf

International Civil Rights Museum

The International Civil Rights Museum in Greensboro, NC was more local than international. Although the design of the building used both contemporary with a touch of historical pieces, there still seemed to be something that was missing. We started the tour by going down the escalators to the basement of the building. There was a brief pause for a video clip introduction to the history of the Woolworth building. After the clip we walked through a room that were filled with "quasi-graphic" images of blacks being violently killed for any reason that the oppressed felt was disrespectful. The room wasn't as graphic and disturbing as I thought that it would be. It was almost like the images that are shown on TV that are filtered for all audiences. Our tour leader then led us through a series of rooms that focused on the Sit-in movements and other historical facts about Greensboro.
Many of the stories and the photographs shown, were familiar to me, being that I am a native of Greensboro. Though I must say that I did learn some new facts that were interesting to me. I do feel as if the museum took somewhat of what Freire (1970) calls a "banking concept" educational approach to the delivery of the knowledge given to the visitors. Meaning the information was given and not fully experienced. The museum coordinators could have conveyed the experience a little more in depth that would leave me thinking that I wish that I was apart of the movement in the earlier days. Though this was not considered a formal learning process, it was an opportunity for the visitors to learn and possibly used what they have learned to educate others. Am I "hating" in the words of Taurean and being too critical, or am I just a student trying to understand and want to experience more than just a commentary?

Nightmare of a Conscious Mind..

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep...
What if I were to die before I woke
Would I finally be in a place where my dreams of reality
Are not interrupted by my plight
Would I be able to choose without being chosen
Would I be able to fly without being grounded
Would I be able to grow without barriers
Would I be able to laugh to keep from crying
Would I be able to love without being hated
Could I play without being played
When will this nightmare end?
How can I predict the next event when
the steps to getting there are so unpredictable
When will I be able to navigate through this sea of opportunity
when rough waters, with the absence of storms, continue
to threaten my destination..
If a nudge can't wake me up, nor a loud noise or even somebody
calling out fire, FIRE..
When will I wake up from this nightmare I call a conscious mind...

Game over!

My heart is heavy with disgust
Sick of my obsession with you
So sick I can cuss
It's my own fault
I was going in the game with no way of winning
Just happy to play the game
I disqualified myself from jump
How can I sit the bench, when
I am the star player
and a free agent
Release my heart and
cut me from the team...Playa
Time to be traded
Though my skills are useful
and we make a good team
I am not your number one
GAME OVER

Tavis Smiley meet Me...Me meet Tavis Smiley

"Can't lead without love and you can't save people without serving people." (Smiley)

Tavis Smiley who is a renowned philanthropist and host of his own television show, spoke at McNight Hall on the campus of UNC-Charlotte. Mr. Smiley began his discussion by voicing his concern about the lack of black leadership in our community. His motivating words and quirky sense of humor, seemed to keep the audience engaged. But can his message be linked to other speakers? Was his message something that we have heard before? It seems as if every time we look up, there is a new book, CD, DVD or conference geared to motivate you to get up and MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

The link that I chose to include in this particular blog, was a conversation between Tavis Smiley and hip hop mogul Jay-Z.  In the interview Tavis asked Jay-Z about how he started his fashion line "Rockawear", which is a multi-million dollar company.  Jay-Z explains his forward thinking.  He was thinking beyond what people were seeing. "Greatness"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YcSuHNCCVY

Mr. Smiley asked the question, "Are you chasing success or greatness"? Jay-Z to me was chasing greatness. In his songs he compares himself to Jesus (Hova) as well as other great leaders.  Jay-Z started off selling drugs in the streets of Brooklyn, NY. HE managed to use his metaphorical genius to propel himself out of his environment. Instead of becoming a victim his circumstance he became the culprit of his success.  Many young and old people look up to Jay-Z. But how many potential Jay-Z's do we have in our neighborhoods and classrooms? The money was Jay-Z's motive. Quick money became sluggish wealth. Mimicking the route that Jay-Z took, may not be the legal and best way, but it was his way.  We must find our own way to become great through our own gifts.  Smiley said "when our gift connects with the need, it equals our purpose." That was the most profound statement that stood out to me. I would include in that equation the love of the gift. Some don't like their gift enough to fulfill the need to embrace their purpose. When are we (including me) going to stop listening and start acting.

My final thought: Love God then accept the gift, fulfill the need and walk in your purpose.


Ni

Cultural Autobiography

Cultural Autobiography

            As I reflect on what I want to include in my “Cultural Autobiography,” I begin to think about my Eulogy.  What would the minister say about me after I have moved on to those bright mansions in the sky? What would I want to be remembered by?  What impact did I make on society or in my field?  What legacy would I leave behind for my children besides money or property?  These are some of the questions that I have asked myself as I extend deeper into an understanding of life or this temporary existence.  This autobiography wouldn’t seem honest without beginning with where I come from and how my perceptions of society have made it’s way from inside “the box” to outside of “the box.”

            I grew up in Greensboro, NC. My mother was a single parent of twin girls from the time of conception until we turned 18.  What I mean by that is, my mother and father were never married.  Like any young “wanna be” in love couple, they came together and created life.  Now after we were born, well that is a different story.  As any single parent, my mom worked two jobs, my dad was being irresponsible and had gotten himself locked away in a cage for 20 + years.  That meant no child support, minimal help from the state and dependence on family.  While my mom and my grandmother were “bumping heads,” my sister and I begin to conceptualize this idea of what family was?  At the time, there was much confusion about where my sister and I fit into this family full of co-dependant, underwhelmed, uneducated (formally), hardworking group of individuals we called, auntie, uncle, cousin and grandpa.  From elementary school, I knew that God’s purpose for my sister and I, were bigger than just working in a factory or in a school cafeteria or even for the post office.  Which was considered a “good job.”  So how did I end up working on my doctorate degree with a young child?  Well, I would say through some late night epiphanies, long conversations, poor planning, and yeah some immature mistakes.  But like my pastor’s say, “I’m still here”.  Hearing about my origin of existence, many people may stereotype me or place me into this statistical data that according to the “research” is accurate among all African-American women who come from “fatherless homes.”  Quite the contrary, in fact I have demonstrated and proved to some that no matter the upbringing, anybody can become successful.  I was taught to work hard, don’t judge folks, be kind to others (golden rule), save your money and believe in God.  I know the value of hard work, but didn’t feel as if I needed to work hard all of my life.  I got the not judging concept, but it was hard not to judge those who killed others randomly, or the guy that was on drugs who always asked me for a dollar.  I didn’t really grasp the save your money concept until I had gotten older, because I didn’t have many things growing up, so when I started working I started spending.  The more I worked, the more I spent. The last thing that I was taught, which is the most important, was to believe in God.  I didn’t fully understand, why I should believe in something that I couldn’t see. In school I took theology and religious courses and figured that who am I to say that my God is better than yours.  My mother never took us to church.  My grandmother went to church, but she never made us attend service when we started living with her because my mother said that we didn’t have too.  So as a child, when you are not use to waking up on Sunday morning, it was pretty much impossible to convince me, why I should sit in somebody’s church.  Being very smart, I questioned even the most “holy saints” about God, that for some reason, they would never answer.

            These types of informal learning shaped and formed my philosophy of life both as a parent, a friend, a citizen, a student, and as an educator. I begin to see the value in education. I remember when I could read and pronounce words in elementary better than my aunts, uncles and grandparents.  I thought, “Wow I am smart!”  The more I excelled in the classroom the more my friends and some family would get jealous.  So, I began to just get average grades. I started focusing more on being liked and popular than being smart and influential.  I was becoming a product of my surroundings. I would say that I had a quasi support system.  I realize now that support is huge when trying to figure out one’s place in society. When a person is constantly trying to prove themselves as an individual in their family, and then have to turnaround and deal with society’s misconceptions and misrepresentation of who they are as a person and not judging them by their skin color and social class, can be a bit draining.

             Now the question is, how can I help the world change their views of minorities and women?  The obvious answer to this question is education.  Not only would I have to continue to educate myself, but also I have to continue to minister and educate others that would lead to social change and justice. Tavis Smiley says that “Love is defined as everybody is worthy because.”(2/4/2011, UNC-Charlotte) That means that everybody, all persons are deserving of the same rights as everyone else. I begin by examining myself and looking at my own biases and prejudices. I had to recognize my personal feelings and sensitivities about certain subjects and examine those feelings while learning to accept and move on from it.  I had to educate myself or reeducate myself.

             Education to me is what water is to cactus, or who Moses was to the people of Egypt.  I need education to survive through this desert of life and without it I would be confined and shackled to dry existence of a continuous cycle of oppression. I want people to remember my love for God and that I was an advocate for change. I want people to look at my life and see how I overcame obstacles and crossed boundaries and endured setbacks to excel as the best person that I could be.

Ohio mom jailed in school residency case

This story is about a mom who sent her kids to a school in a district that she didn't live in and had gotten arrested for it and spent 10 days in jail. The school had been investigating her for a while and finally called the authorities to arrest her. Here is the link to get the full story:

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2011/01/28/ac.mom.jailed.school.cnn

Now there are some stories that are possibly racially connected and then there are those stories that are BLATANTLY racist as in this case. I can't tell you how many parents that I know of, including mine, both white and black as well as other races, who have sent there kids to schools out of the district in which they reside. Is this a case of social injust!! Yes it is.. If they are going to arrest and investigate her, then they need to to everybody the same way. I am sure there are some white parents whose kids attend the same school, who are there and not legally suppose to be there. In this clip Soledad O'Brien clearly states her opinion on the matter. Foolishness. Why would you reprimand a parent who just wants the best education her kids. This is just another example of why we need to place our focus and attention back on our educational system.

Niesha